I Feel So Stupid I Got Played Again by a Guy

You're dating or living with this practiced looking guy, maybe he's mannerly and you lot feel wanted . . . but things he says or does make you feel bad about yourself – and you lot can't actually figure out why. You likely question yourself asking whether information technology's something about you – because he doesn't seem to retrieve it's nigh him . . . Somehow any negative things happen between you, you lot're left feeling that it's you with the trouble.

Perhaps you got into the relationship quickly, perchance had sex much sooner than you wanted. Mayhap you didn't develop a friendship earlier suddenly spending most of your time with him and inappreciably, if ever, seeing your friends or family whatsoever more. Your life may have narrowed so that you're no longer pursuing your own interests – life may seem to be all about being with him . . . waiting on him . . . thinking about him. If he seems jealous or possessive maybe you detect that enticing because it makes you feel wanted and special.

Accept you started changing?

Have you started changing for him, to keep him, to brand him happy, to prove you're lovable? If your old friends were flies on the wall, what might they discover that is different nearly you lot? Volition they observe you've inverse your advent? That yous've become secretive, dull, lost your sense of aliveness?

Has your listen started to go crazy later arguments – as if anything you thought was logical before coming together this human now seems confusing?

Have you started to feel guilty near all sorts of things? Yet deep down you know you have non done anything incorrect. Only then instead of admitting to yourself that you experience uncertain or dangerous, you outset hiding things y'all do so you lot tin can feel the liberty y'all had before the relationship.

Or do you lot find yourself lying to him – yet that's non something yous usually do? Only if you lot slow your thought processes downwards and explore your intuition, y'all may detect that you lot started lying because he has a way about him that makes you feel uneasy. Mayhap you started lying to yourself because he'south then sensitive you don't want to injure him – yet if you lot were honest with yourself, is something going on whereby information technology is you lot who is feeling hurt?

Do you lot think you're not good enough?

If y'all ever had beliefs before that you weren't good enough, something incorrect with you, or you lot were stupid or ugly – accept those thoughts get worse since being with this new man? If they got worse it'southward highly probable you started changing yourself to seek his approval and to prove to him that you were proficient enough, that yous are capable and proficient looking enough. Just all your efforts are not working . . . is that true?

Can you answer 'yes' to these questions?

1. I trust this human 100%
2. He respects me totally without a uncertainty
3. He's always honest and I experience completely safety to exist honest with him
4. He definitely respects my privacy
5. I feel totally costless to be myself round him anywhere anytime
6. I adamantly feel rubber with him – always

Exist honest with yourself

If yous answered 'no' to these questions – it is very likely you are with a man that is engaged in a irksome process of gaining more and more emotional control over you and your life. To check how real this may exist I urge you to subscribe to my gratuitous ebook in the side panel and download the Power & Control Wheel and List of Tactics that some men use to control their female partner. Go through and bank check if he is using whatsoever of these behaviours.

(NB: List updated 9th Oct 2017)

Simply in case he is decision-making yous . . . it may not be rubber to testify him the listing. If he is using ongoing emotional corruption, and then it may be supportive for you to take the list – and discuss what's happening to yous – to a trusted friend or family member (mayhap someone he has said he does not like or does not want you to come across), or a counsellor. Or contact a local domestic violence bureau as they are trained in helping women make sense of subtle emotional abuse and control.

Trust your gut instincts

Some aims of checking this list and seeking back up outside the relationship are to empower yourself so that yous have greater choice over your life and all your current and time to come relationships. Another aim is to do what it takes to care for yourself, and to trust your gut instincts about what's really going on with you and your partner.

Ultimately relationships have to feel safe

Markers of a healthy human relationship – whether that's a dating partner, someone you lot live with, a workmate, a school friend – are when you lot can say to yourself, "Yes this person is honest, trustworthy, respectful, honours my privacy, is safe to be around and I feel totally gratuitous to exist myself".

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Source: https://speakoutloud.net/helping-victims-survivors/warning-signs-of-abuse/coercive-control-5